It was a hot afternoon and the score was tied five to five. It was the bottom of the seventh, the last inning, and coming up to bat was Derek. Derek was the best player on his team and one of the top players in the nation. He was only 16 but could hit like a twenty year old. He stepped up to the plate and did his ritual just like the pros. He tapped the plate twice then aimed the bat at the pitcher. The pitcher wound up and hurled the ball towards the plate. Derek took a step towards the ball and swung as hard as he could. The ball made contact with the bat and took flight. Derek stood at the plate and watched the ball sore over everyone’s head and over the fence into the parking lot. As Derek rounded the bases he listened to the parents all cheering for him and looked at his teammates all gathered around home waiting for Derek so they all could mob him. After the game Derek, his mom, his dad, and his younger brother went out to eat to celebrate the victory. After dinner Derek and his family headed home. Derek had a big game tomorrow and if they won they would make it into the state championship game. Derek went to bed and woke up the next morning ready to play. The game was at 1:00. Derek showed up ready to play. He was a little more nervous about this game than the others because not only was it more important but Derek was going to be the starting pitcher. Derek had only pitched one other game this year. He can throw really hard but wasn’t always accurate.
Derek took the mound in the first inning. His arm felt good but he was very nervous. His first pitch was thrown a little too far inside and almost hit the batter. His second pitch wasn’t even close to being over the plate. Derek just took a deep breath and thought about all the correct mechanics that his coach taught him. Once he started using his coach’s advice, every pitch was thrown over the plate and it was thrown hard. Derek struck out the first three batters in the first and retired his first nine batters. At the end of the third inning the score was 0-0. By the fourth inning Derek’s arm was starting to get tired and he couldn’t throw as hard. He got the first two batters out on ground balls but the third batter was the best on the team. He was huge and could hit the ball farther than Derek. Derek through his pitch and it was right over the middle of the plate. The batter drilled a hard liner into the left center gap. Luckily he was slow and only got a triple. Derek knew this was his last inning and had to finish it strong. Derek’s first two pitches were fouled off. His next three were balls and it was now a full count. The catcher called time and went out to talk to Derek. He told Derek to throw his curveball. Derek had only thrown two so far and they both were in the dirt. Derek reluctantly agreed but knew this was his only chance to strike him out. Derek wound up and threw his twelve to six curveball. It was perfect and the batter didn’t even come close to hitting the ball.
It was now the last inning and it was still 0-0. Derek led off the inning with a walk. He then stole second base and advanced to third on a fielder’s choice. There were two outs now and all Derek’s team needed was a base hit to win. The only problem was the worst hitter on their team was up. His name was Mike. He was short and skinny and wasn’t very good at batting. The pitcher of the other team laughed at Mike and threw his hardest. Mike couldn’t catch up to the ball. The count was 0-2 and Mike’s coach told him to focus on the ball and drive it into the outfield. The pitch came and it was the hardest one yet. Mike just closed his eyes and swung the bat. When he opened them he saw the ball in the outfield and Derek coming for home. Mike quickly ran to first and started to celebrate. The entire team ran over to Mike and gave him high fives and pats on the back.
The team was so happy that they won and that they get to play in the state championship game. They decided to have a party since the game wasn’t for another week. Derek and the rest of their team went out to a friend’s house for the party. Everyone was dancing and having fun. Derek had to be home at 11:00 and once that timed rolled around he started to walk home. He didn’t live too far it would only take him about five minutes. He was walking home with Mike because Mike was going to sleep over Derek’s. They had been good friends ever since they were young. On the way home they heard a car in the distance. They looked down the street and saw a car speeding towards them. The driver was drunk and out of control. Derek and Mike tried to get out of the way but Derek was too slow. The car hit Derek at about 50 miles per hour. The driver just kept going never stopping to help Derek. Mike went over to Derek. He was still breathing but was unconscious. Mike called for an ambulance. While in the hospital Derek’s teammates visited him. They all found out that Derek broke both legs, and arm, broke his neck, and had a severe concussion that had him in a coma for three days. The doctors said he was extremely lucky he wasn’t paralyzed.
The day of the game came up and the entire team thought they would lose without Derek. They felt so bad about what happened that they weren’t even sure if they wanted to play. Their coach tried to get them more focused on the game but he couldn’t keep his mind off Derek either. The coach decided that Derek would be a big inspiration for the other kids. Before the game he took all the players to see Derek. Derek was excited to see them all and wished them good luck in the game and told them to win this one for him. Derek’s teammates gave him a hug and then went back to the field to play.
All the talk about Derek inspired the rest of his teammates to play their best. Derek’s team scored twice in the first inning and never looked back. They won the game 6-3 and they did it all for Derek.
11 comments:
Sam P- What a great tale Sammy. I really enjoyed how the little kid mike got the winning hit, it gives people like Dizek hope to be good at sports. I was petrified when I read the part about the drunk driver because the boy easily could have been killed. It must have been a miracle how he survived a 50 mph hit by a car. The vocab you used while describing the game was intriguing and brought me into the story a lot. I also liked how you kept the age group of the kids low because its nice to read a story every once in a while that isn’t too competitive. The team still found a way to prevail in the harsh times of injustice and turmoil, I like it, I like it a lot. Keep up the good work man.
Sam-
I thought your story was splendid. For the most part you used good detail, but at the beginnig and end I think you could have used a little more. I like how Derek's team still won the game they dedicated it to him because he was out. I think Derek probably would have been paralyzed after getting hit by a car going 50 mph and getting slammed into a tree. I liked how you gave the team some adversity and they still got through it. That shows that you should never give up and that is the theme you had. I guess Derek did change because he was playing really well in the beginning, but then he got injured and couldn't play anymore. Great story samuel.
That was a good story and it had a lot of detail. I thought it was interesting that he got run over by a drunk driver at the end. I did not expect that to happen. You described the game in the beginning very well and I could understand what was going on. I was surprised that he survived getting hit by a car at 50 miles per hour. I guess it could happen in real life, though. Your story had no flaws and I really liked it.
sam, i really liked that your story was about baseball. i could picture derek at the plate as he did his ritual and got ready to bat. only a baseball player could know the feeling you get when you hit a home run or get a game winning hit.
your discription was very good as well. i experienced derek's situation when your arm gets really tired from pitching and how hard it gets.
Good Story Sam. I really liked how it was the Mike that won the game for them. In most stories its the Derek that wins the big game. I'm not sure who the main character was so I don't know if he changed or not. My favorite part was when the team joined together after their loss of a great player. I think the description used when talking about pitching was really good. Almost as if you'd experianced that yourself. I think you should haave extended the falling action and resolution because it was about three sentences. Good Story
Sam, good story dude. You used a lot of detail throughout the story. You made it seem like i was there watching the game and with Derek when he was pitching. I liked how you had Mike get the winning hit because he was so small. I believe that you had a lot of detail through your whole story but you should have some more in the beginning and at the end. You should try to be more descriptive in these two spots. But, really good story.
Sam your story inspired me a lot. I think the message in your story is to never give up and I agree with that. I dont really think that Derek changed throughout the story. It was important that he stayed strong and inspirational for the rest of his team.
"Derek’s team scored twice in the first inning and never looked back. They won the game 6-3 and they did it all for Derek."
This is my favorite passage and it's in the resolution. I liked how you ended the story on a good note.
I think the best quality in your story was the action. It snagged the readers atention and keep them interested throughout the story.
Next time try covering a shoter period of time and adding more detail to that specific event.
Good job Sam!
Great story. I thoroughly enjoyed the story and your pic is pretty sweet. I also liked all of the detail you used throughout the story. The only thing i would suggest to improve on would be extending the resoultion a bit more. But overall, it was awesome, and i find it funny that he got hit by a car at the end and slammed into a tree.
Verry nice. /,,/-_-/,,/
jeez la weeze, man. when did you get so good at writing short stories? you surprised the heck out of me when i first read it. honestly, you should have it published. my favorite part was when the small boy Mike hit the winning hit. i really felt proud for him. this reminds me of my baseball game last year. i was much smaller and worse then the other players but i still pulled through to win the game for them. the one thing i have to say to improve is your beginnings and ends. i still feel you did a splendid job. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK MAN!
Yo Sam great story. I didn't expect it to be such a well written story. I'm going to agree with almost everyone else here and say that detail was great, except it was lacked toward the end. To survive getting hit by a car going that fast, he's lucky to be alive. I'm glad he survived however, and I hope to see more great stories from you.
Sam, your story was really good. You used a lot of detail and It made me feel like I was right next to Derek while he was pitching. I don’t really think that Derek changed throughout the story. "Derek’s team scored twice in the first inning and never looked back. They won the game 6-3 and they did it all for Derek." This was my favorite passage because I really liked how you ended your story. The only suggestion I could make is to add some more detail to the resolution, but overall it was a great story.
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