Sunday, March 23, 2008

By Olivia N.

Everyone, throughout their entire lives will go through obstacles, large and small, that they have to overcome. Santiago had many obstacles to face while he was out fishing and when he wasn’t. Someone once told me to think of my obstacles as a wall. Some walls are pretty short, and you can just step right over them, others require a running start and a leap of faith, some are so big, you’ll need someone to help you get over, and sometimes the only way to get past them is to just break them down.

One obstacle that almost killed Santiago was that he wasn’t adequately supplied for the fishing trip. All that he’d brought with him was the water. It wasn’t much water either, about one day’s worth, and he was out there for four. What he really needed was lots of food and water, enough to last him for at least a week, as well as protection from the sun and few more knives for self defense. “‘I wish I had some salt’”(59). If he’d brought some salt with him then he could’ve preserved the fish and had more to eat. If he’d brought more knives or spears or something he might’ve been able to hold the sharks off longer.

After holding on to the line the marlin was pulling for hours, it took an effect on him. “He could feel the steady hard pull of the line and his hand was cramped.” (51). He had pain in his back and he needed to rest. He had to sleep for a few hours and he cut up the albacore and ate it because he needed the strength to continue. Then his hands got all sliced up from the lines and his left hand cramped. By the time he arrived back at the dock he could hardly stand up and passed out as soon as he reached his shack, only waking up when the boy came.

Another big obstacle in Santiago’s life was the sharks “The shark closed fast astern and when he hit the fish the old man saw his mouth open and his strange eyes and clicking chop of the teeth as he drove forward in the meat just above the tail.”(101). Santiago spent 4 days out on the ocean catching the marlin, and after all his hard work, when he finally caught the marlin that was bigger than his boat, the marlin that didn’t give up for 4 days, the marlin that would make him rich and famous, the marlin that almost killed him, the sharks closed in for the kill. Of course Santiago tried to fight them off, he killed one with the harpoon, with the knife and with an oar, and soon all he had left to get rid of the sharks were his hands. And the sharks just kept coming and coming, and eating more and more of the marlin each time, and eventually the sharks got the best of him. He was so weary and worn out he could barely move, 4 days of fighting the marlin, and then the sharks had gotten the best of the old man. By the time he had reached the shore he didn’t care any more.

There were many obstacles keeping Santiago from achieving his goal. Obstacles that he had to overcome to show people that he wasn’t just some unlucky old man and that he was in fact a skilled fisherman. His entire journey was a struggle, there were many things that might’ve caused others not as determined as Santiago to just quit.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Olivia! Fantastic essay :]
So, I don’t like thesis statements at all. I thought yours was short and to the point. You didn’t need to embellish and it worked well with the rest of your intro paragraph. The best quote, in my opinion, was definitely the one about the sharks in the fourth paragraph. It was a great quote from the story and it really helped to support your ideas about the sharks being a major obstacle. By the way, you have great voice in this essay. I can tell that you worked hard to write this and it paid off. It wasn’t just another essay, it was yours. I think the only suggestion would be to switch around the intro paragraph so the thesis was more towards the end and the part about overcoming different obstacles introduced the entire essay.

Anonymous said...

Olivia! Fantastic essay :]
So, I don’t like thesis statements at all. I thought yours was short and to the point. You didn’t need to embellish and it worked well with the rest of your intro paragraph. The best quote, in my opinion, was definitely the one about the sharks in the fourth paragraph. It was a great quote from the story and it really helped to support your ideas about the sharks being a major obstacle. By the way, you have great voice in this essay. I can tell that you worked hard to write this and it paid off. It wasn’t just another essay, it was yours. I think the only suggestion would be to switch around the intro paragraph so the thesis was more towards the end and the part about overcoming different obstacles introduced the entire essay.

Anonymous said...

The thesis is clear that your essay will be about obstacles. The other part of the introduction, about the wall is a little confusing but a good idea. Maybe the thesis should have included the obstacles you wanted to focus on.
I think the final quotation was your best, "Another big obstacle in Santiago’s life was the sharks “The shark closed fast astern and when he hit the fish the old man saw his mouth open and his strange eyes and clicking chop of the teeth as he drove forward in the meat just above the tail.”(101). This stronlgy showed the obstacle of the sharks and made your point clear.
This essay has strong points; you were very enticing in showing how hard the obstacles were. I could really understand how Santiago may have felt when fighting the marlin.
For next time, I would suggest to connect your essay better. By that, I mean to make it flow because the introduction and conclusion didn't really connect at all. Nice job =)

Anonymous said...

OLIVIA!!
The idea of the story is clear, but I think you could have put a sentence saying what the obstacles were. I think your strongest quote was, “The shark closed fast astern and when he hit the fish the old man saw his mouth open and his strange eyes and clicking chop of the teeth as he drove forward in the meat just above the tail.” I think it worked really well in the paragraph and it was a very descriptive quote. I think your organization is pretty good, but I think you could have added a sentence to explain the obstacles. Good Job though!!

Anonymous said...

Olivia, i loved your essay!! Your thesis statement could have been a little clearer, but it was to the point.
I like the quote about the sharks in the fourth paragraph. It worked well with he context and made the paragraph a lot stronger. The best trait was the detail and voice. I can tell that you wrote it and put your own twist in it. It was very thoroughly written which is also a good thing!
One thing that you could improve would be some of the wording. It was confusing at sometimes. It could also flow a little better. Overall, it was a really good essay!!

Anonymous said...

Great essay Olivia!
Your thesis statement was extremely well put, as is your whole first paragraph.
“The shark closed fast astern and when he hit the fish the old man saw his mouth open and his strange eyes and clicking chop of the teeth as he drove forward in the meat just above the tail.” was the best quote. I think that you worked it into the paragraph rather nicely and everything seemed to flow. You used a lot of great detail and vocabulary, and it was really great to read.
I don't think I can give you any suggestions! It was that good :D

Anonymous said...

Hello Olivia!!
I LOVED your essay!!!
I think that it's the best one here!
Your thesis statement was very clear and understanable. It really engaged in into reading the rest of your essay!

I think your strongestquote was,“The shark closed fast astern and when he hit the fish the old man saw his mouth open and his strange eyes and clicking chop of the teeth as he drove forward in the meat just above the tail.”. This quote really fitsm in with what your talking about.

I think your essay was so well written, and my favorite part was when your thesis! I love this part, "Some walls are pretty short, and you can just step right over them, others require a running start and a leap of faith, some are so big, you’ll need someone to help you get over, and sometimes the only way to get past them is to just break them down." Now this part was really good!

I have no advice fro you! GREAT JOB Olivia!!

Anonymous said...

Good job olivia. Your thesis was very clear and concise. It was also engaging. I thought that your third quote about the sharks was the most interesting and it fit well with the essay. I liked your description and you had good grammar You did a good job defending your thesis and you had good analogies. I don't really have any recommendations, good essay.

Anonymous said...

Olivia.
Your thesis statement was very clear and understanable. It really engaged in into reading the rest of your essay!I think your strongest quote was,“The shark closed fast astern and when he hit the fish the old man saw his mouth open and his strange eyes and clicking chop of the teeth as he drove forward in the meat just above the tail.”. This quote really fitsm in with what your talking about. "Some walls are pretty short, and you can just step right over them, others require a running start and a leap of faith, some are so big, you’ll need someone to help you get over, and sometimes the only way to get past them is to just break them down." good job.