Friday, October 12, 2007

Life vs. Electronics by Julia M.

Everyday our lives are changing. What you used to think was important, no longer is. Teenagers possession’s in the 21st Century consist of many electronics, outfits, and expensive sports equipment. To survive you need lots of cash and the right friends. You might surprise yourself at times by wondering, what happened to those priceless moments you shared with your family? Or, what happened to quality over quantity? It’s easy to forget the importance of those priceless life lessons and memories you’ve created, and get caught up in the materialistic part of this world.

AJ

A burst of light shines through the screen as my Ipod returns to life. With the speakers in my ears, my thumb slowly makes the circles around and around the control turning the volume up little by little. Once its reached full capacity with the beat traveling through my body, I fell energized and awake. The feeling starts with my head and soon I can feel it in my toes. I’m ready to accomplish anything and I know it’s going to be a great day.

I could say music is my life, but that would be an understatement. My mood relies on my music genre, whether its rap, hip hop, or even country. Whenever I find myself in a stressful situation and need a time out, I turn to my silver, four gigabyte, Ipod nano. The music soothes my senses and my whole body is relaxed once again. My Ipod helps me out in many different situations. It was well worth the $200 my mom paid to get it for my birthday last year. I can’t imagine choosing anything over my Ipod. Like I said before, music is my life.

AJ

I’m in a world full of shouts, signaling a variety of plays. A world where we’re all in sync. We’re the hardest working volleyball team in our league. Everyday we show up on time for practice and put our hearts into the practice. We keep our attitudes positive and pick each other up in a game. We respect each other and our coaches, and we know that all the laps, the suicides, and the drills will improve our game. My team has patience and tolerance.

My volleyball team is more then a team, it’s a family. The bond started to form within the first few days of tryouts, with all the ‘good jobs’ or ‘nice try’s’. From there it went to the practices, where we encouraged each other to finish the suicides and stay in our ready positions. We know our teammates well enough to know how to phrase a pointer so as not to hurt their feelings. “Scoot back a little” or “put a little more power into your serve,” we call from the bench. We sweat together, laugh together, and win together. Outside of practices or games, we have team dinners or sleepovers. We’ve formed an unbreakable bond that is everlasting. I love my volleyball team; I can count on them more than anything.

AJ

My Ipod and volleyball team are two completely different things, yet I value both of them incredibly. So how do you decide, which one is more valuable? How do you choose a favorite over these two completely different things? Think, what makes your truly happy? For me, I believe the memories you make will be precious than any materialistic object you can buy. With any money oriented object, you risk the chance of it breaking, or getting lost. With the reminiscences you gather throughout life, the only thing you have to worry about losing is your memory itself, and that, is a part of life which I also think is costly. It’s up to you to decide which one you cherish more. In a world full of many electronics, outfits, and expensive sport equipment, remember that you can’t buy happiness.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Julia-
I really liked your essay, and I think it was very well-written. I noticed right away how much you value the moments spent with your volleyball team. You did a great job with explaining why your team is important to you. This was what I thought you most vividly described in your writing.
I think that your essay's overall strength was in your introduction and conclusion. You compared your Ipod and volleyball team very well in the conclusion. and you also incorporated your definition of priceless. Next time, maybe try describing your Ipod a little more, or talking more about music. It was a great essay and I enjoyed it.

Anonymous said...

Julia,
This essay was very well written, I could tell that you value moments that make you happy more than items that cost a lot. I agree with you on this part. My favorite part was when you described volleyball. I loved when you said that you're not just a team your a family. Because that really is what it feels like to be on a team. I think that that was your stregnth here. The way you described how you were feeling was also very well-written. I don't think that anything really has to be fixed here, maybe you could try describing what part of the game of volleyball, instead instead of just the team. Great job!

Anonymous said...

Julia!
I personally thought that your essay was writting very well. It was very obvious to me that you highly value the moments spent with your volleyball team. With that said, I really think that the describtion of the closeness of your voleyball team was much more describtive than your ipod. I know when you commented my essay,you said that it is easier writting about a memory than a materialistic object, and i couldnt agree more. I really like how your introductory and closing paragraphs connected together. It was a great way to end reading. Also your your writting style was very unquie. You used very sofisticated words and really described things to the fullest. While writting your next peice, consider reading your essay out loud, so you can find your mistakes much easiers. Nice job Julia!! (:

Anonymous said...

Julia! Good job on your essay it's great and very discriptive. My favorite was the paragraph about your vollyball team and how you discribe your hard work. I think your strength was your opening paragraph and your vollyball team. I liked how you told the reader what makes you guys a team and not just like everyone else. Next time I would describe your ipod more like you did with your team. Overall though awesome job!

Anonymous said...

Julia,
I really liked your essay. My favorite part was your intro paragraph. You stated that you value both your pricy,a nd pricelss values. I also really loved when you described how your volleyball team was like a big family. That was defenitly your strength. You used a good amount of description on your ipod paragraphs, but I would try to make it more lengthy. Overall you did amazing, and I loved your essay

Anonymous said...

Julia,
Your essay was amazing. You showed very well that you valued both your ipod and spending time with your volleyball team. I can relate to your essay because I also adore my ipod and play team sports where the bond between teammates is unbreakable. The essay had a ton of detail and it made me want to keep reading. I liked how you said, “A burst of light shines through the screen as my Ipod returns to life." It gives you a great mental picture any ipod owner knows exactly what you are talking about. Even if you don’t have an ipod you can imagine very well what it is like from the given description. I would say detail is an overall strength in this essay. The volleyball paragraphs were my favorite. Every athlete experiences great priceless moments with their team and you showed how valuable this moments really are.
This essay was very well written and you should be proud of it. I can't even think of any advice to make it better. It was jam packed with description and flowed together perfectly. GOOD JOB!

Anonymous said...

Julia,
Right from the opening paragraph i was drawn in. It really made me think about how people are getting caught up in material things.The structure was great! Your description of both objects were phenomenal. I really like how you describe your Ipod turning on. I also loved how you described your volleyball team. Your style of writing is great. I can see that you value memories and happiness over material things for the most part. When reading your essay I really got sucked into it. I didn't find any grammatical errors so keep up the good work Julia! It was Awesome!