For me some things are valued slightly more than others. Some people value everything. Some people value their item because of the price tag. Some people even value their item because what every one else likes it, or when their friends think it is cool. This doesn’t apply to me though. I value my item because it is what makes me happy and it gets me in a good mood.
***
The crowd is cheering for me as I run down the field, ball at my feet. There is no one around me, I have passed every one. There is only seconds left and the game is tied 0-0. I set up my shot and watch it fly through the air and go into the back of the net. Just then the referee blows his whistle. The game is over. I scored, and it was the game-winning goal. Then all of a sudden my mom is standing by my side shaking my shoulder lightly, but enough to be noticed. I blink my eyes and I am not on the soccer field, but in the comforts of my own bedroom. It was all a dream. I wake up being in a good mood. I was dreaming about what I love to do. Play soccer. It is a Saturday morning so there is no need to get up and rush around. I get up and leisurely walk to the kitchen to get a bite to eat. There is a wonderful breakfast of large pancakes, bacon, and a cup of orange juice waiting for me. While I am eating I am thinking about when I am next going to touch a soccer ball. I decide I am going to play later in the afternoon. Maybe invite a friend over to play with me. Then I remember I have another day of double session tryouts. This is my last one and I have to be on the field in 45 minutes. I find out what team I am going to be playing for. JV or V? I keep asking myself this question until I step foot on the field. Then I feel that I don’t really care what team I get put on.
As the coaches are calling off the names, one by one I see new friends that I have made going up to varsity. I also see new friends going down to JV. Some with happy faces and others disappointed that they didn’t make varsity. Finally, close to last, the coaches call my name. They say, “You have made JV, congrats.” I get up and walk over to where my new team is sitting. They are all so happy that I am on a team with them. We start practice with a game of rugby. This is to get to know every ones names, like we don’t know them already, my coaches think. We end up playing this game for the rest of the practice. Beating up each other, tackling, and rolling around on the ground fighting for the ball. We end practice saying a cheer.
***
Now it is a little more then a month into the season. Practices are every day we don’t have a game. During practices we do a lot of conditioning. Monster laps, after monster laps. Running with the ball up and down the field. Doing the MOD (move of the day) in a 12:12 box with 20 other girls. Being told by one coach to do one thing and by the other something opposite. Then when making the decision to listen to the head coach, getting yelled at by the other. At the end not being able to leave until you do, depending on the mood of the coaches, a cool down lap(s).
Games. Winning and losing . Having a record of the same number of wins as looses. Getting a yellow card in there by slide tackling a girl from behind. Starting, playing center halfback. Always getting close to scoring a goal but never being successful. Having one coach just recently saying her work was too much for her right now and not being able to coach us anymore.
47 comments:
Jess, I think that your essay was written very nicely, and it clearly shows that you value soccer. Your essay shows your passion for soccer and that you value playing the sport above all other things. You had a lot of very vivid description that made me fee like i was actually on the field. I especially like the beginning when you describe how you were on the field, and just scored the winning goal, then woke up to find it was a dream. That was a very good description and it gave off a lot of emotions, which helped me to understand what that feeling would really be like.
I think your biggest strength in this essay is your writing style. You chose to write in a way that showed how you felt about everything, and that you were in the action. Your introduction was also very well written, and made me think about the things I value.
Next time, you may consider trying to compare your experiences with something that has a price value. This will show that you value soccer above everything else.
The object that the author, Jess Godek, strongly values is playing soccer. she seems to be saying that they love to play soccer. she also loves to score the winning goal. and all she thinks about is when are they going to play soccer next.
the object that she described vividly in her essay was her soccer ball. a scene that i thought was very well done was when she was talking about having a dream and making the winning goal for the team. her priceless moment was making the JV team. the scene i thought was particularly well done was describing how the played rugby to get to know each other. overall jess's strength in writing is writing in a very detailed manner. she gets the reader to want to read more.
Jess,
I liked how well you described your dream. You used many details in your story. You kept the reader in suspese wondering what team you made. It was clear to see how much you truely love soccer and why you value it. You also descrided your practice with a lot of detail.
You once again used really good details. Next time you might want to specify what the object is. I can tell that soccer is priceless, but I am not quite sure what your object is.
Jess,
One thing I noticed right away in your essay was the idea that you started your moment with you in a dream instead of real life. This surprised me after reading multiple other essays starting with them acting out their moment in a real game rather than in a dream. I think that added more to your story and made it more interesting to read. The word choice you had while describing that it was only a dream was defently a bonus to the essay. After reading this I sense that what you value most, is the time you spend on the field whether it's practice or a game. You described soccer throughout your essay, making it clear that this is what you value.
My advice for you is to remember to re-read your essay to check for any last minute mistakes that the computer might have missed. I really liked your essay Jess, good job!
Jess,
I really enjoyed reading your essay. It was clear to me throughout the entire essay that your truly value soccer. One thing that I really liked about your essay was that you introduced your first value to us by a dream. I honestly thought that you were describing an actual game. I think that a strength of your essay was being descriptive. I loved how you told everything like it was a story and you couldn't wait to tell us what happened next. I could totally tell it was you talking. My one piece of advice for you is to compare your soccer experience with something that has a price value. This will help express even more prominently how much you value soccer. I really enjoyed reading your essay. Keep up the good work!!
Jess G,
i lvoe you essay, it was really good. i loveddd it part about soccer. you used so much detail. i lvoed how you started it off with you have a dream, that was cool. i thought you were playing in a actually game. kept up the good work, so i can read more amazing stories.
Jess G,
i love you essay, it was really good. i loveddd the part about soccer. you used so much detail. i lvoed how you started it off with you have a dream, that was cool. i thought you were playing in a actually game. kept up the good work, so i can read more amazing stories.
Jess,
I really liked your essay. I liked the way you started, and I think you described value very well. You really showed how much you love soccer, and I like the way you started that paragraph with you scoring a goal and then waking up to find it was a dream.
I think that the essays strength was in your conclusion. I love how you end by tying together everything you enjoy about soccer. Next time, I would suggest showing more of a difference between what is of financial worth and what is priceless. It was a great essay!! Good job!
I really liked your essay. I liked the beginning when you scored the goal and it was all a dream. I can really tell that you love soccer. Your biggest strength was your beginning paragraph because it really draws the reader into reading the essay. It was a great essay!!!
Jessica,
I really liked your essay. I loved how you incorperated you having the dream scoring to goal. It was a very good hook to get the reader to keep on reading. This essay really shows that you love to play soccer. Your strenght was probably the way you made soccer both pricy and priceless value. You used a lot of description as well.
In the future you should try to make your paper have more emotions into it. Overall you did really good.
Jess,
Great job. Your essay clearly shows that you have a passion for soccer, and you value playing the game over things that have material wealth, like the ball. I think that my favorite part was the beginning, when you describe how you dream about playing soccer. It was really vividly described.
The biggest strength of this essay was definitely the beginning. Next time, i would suggest describing the object of financial worth more, so it is easier to tell what it was. Great essay!
Jess,
I really liked your essay. You could deffidently tell that you liked soccer a lot. I also liked how you explained scoring the winning goal.
I think you did a great job using descriptive wording. ONe thing i would suggest would be to re-read your essay to check and see if anything was misspelled or any incorrect punctuation. Otherwise I really like the essay. Great job!
Jess,
I thought that your essay was really good! This piece was well written. it had a lot of vocab word in it. As i read it i could picture what you were telling me clearly. Talking about having the dream of making the goal was really good and it all flowed well together. I think your strongest part of your essay was the dream that your wrote. My advice to you would be to proof read your work to check for mistakes and such. Good Job Jess! :-)
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