In this world there are many people that cherish little priceless moments and some just don’t care, as well as valuable things. There are some kids that get a very expensive present and all they do is want more. But there are some people that get something that was very inexpensive and are thankful for what they have.
I’m in my room watching TV. Then all of sudden you hear the song, “I got My Drink and My Two Step” out of nowhere. I search and look where it come from. When I find it, it turns out to be one of my most valuable possessions, me cell phone. I absolutely love my phone and am very thankful for it.
My phone is capable of doing many things. I can text my friends, go on the internet, go in AIM, and listen to music. I got my new phone before school started. But as well I got a new ipod. So there was no point of getting a new ipod because I could listen to music with my phone. Also, it is very hard not to play with my phone because it opens up two different ways. You are probably thinking, “How does it open up two ways?” Well ill tell you. It opens up like a regular flip phone, and a little mini laptop. At times I don’t like people touching my phone because it could break very easily.
At times I’m sitting in class, and all of a sudden I feel my pocket vibrate three times. And when my phone vibrates three times in a row it means someone sent me a text message. I’m eager to reach into my pocket and see who it is. At times I get the moment to look who it is when the teacher is not looking, but at other times it’s just not possible. When I can’t check who it is I can’t concentrate at times. Since I’ve noticed that I don’t pay attention in class when I get a new text message, I put my phone on silent. But you never know, the text message could be from my mom letting me know something bad happened.
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One of my most priceless things in my life is my dogs. About a year ago I got a wonderful, extravagant, cute, soft and cuddly puppy. It was my first pet ever. Actually when I was younger I had a turtle, but that’s barely a pet it was like having a pet rock. I’ve wanted a dog ever since I could remember. And my mom never really wanted one. But we finally got one because of my new step dad and he told her he needed to have a puppy around the house. And my mom didn’t really want it but we got one anyways. And at the beginning she kept saying “Ew I hate that dog”. But when he got into a concussion, she showed much love for him. She even called the police; I mean who does that for a dog? But now she’s the one that loves him more than anyone.
My dog’s name is Snoopy. And he is one of the smartest dogs I’ve ever known. And I absolutely love taking care of him. I love how he comes and sits on my lap when I’m on the couch. And he knows when I’m sad and he comes and kisses my face. He’s like a person to me at times. He knows when he’s done something wrong, so he goes to his house in his room by himself. And he brings his toy to me when he wants to play.
And just this summer I got a new puppy. She’s very small; I can fit her into my purse. She’s fluffy and adorable. Her name is Daisy. Although she is not trained as well as Snoopy, she’s an ok puppy. She just poops and pees everywhere! And she’s a very strong puppy. My bed is about 3 feet tall. It’s a very big bed, and Snoopy couldn’t jump of it until he was about a year old. Well Daisy is only two months old and she can jump off of it! She’s unbelievable. She can also go up and down the stairs and lots more.
Every morning I get up at six a.m. The first thing I do is go downstairs and feed my dogs and take them out for a pee or poop. And I don’t mind doing it all cause I know they love me for what I do for them.
10 comments:
Sabrina,
As soon as I read your essay, I immediately thought that you valued friendship the most. I came to this conclusion because your entire essay is based on your cell phone-your connection to your friends and the world around you- and your dogs-your friends that are always there when you need them. I really enjoyed reading the description of your cell phone, mostly because I can relate. You made me understand exactly how you feel when your phone rings and how excited you are about who could be calling or texting you. I also noticed that in your essay that you really connect with the reader. You can relate to them and make them feel comfortable with reading your essay. One piece of advice I would give you would be to be more specific about your priceless possession. You could do this the next time by picking a specific time when you were with your dogs that you wouldn’t change for the world.
Sabrina-
You really seemed to say a lot about your values. You did a great job describing your phone, and your two dogs. I thought that you described your dog really well. You used a lot of adjectives to describe it- "wonderful, extravagant, cute, soft and cuddly puppy".
In general, I think that your strengths were in word choice. Next time, consider making a stronger statement in your conclusion. But, overall it was a well-written piece, and I liked how you ended the story talking about your dogs.
This is a good essay on your phone and dog. I really liked how you explained how your phone opens, and how you know yo receive a text message. I like how you tell about your dog, how your family loves it.Your phone is really cool how you can go on the internet,AIM,and listen to music. It was funny how you explained how your phone opens two ways. I think that you should teach your dog some new tricks. It's really cool how your dog knows to go to his room when he does something bad.
I really enjoyed reading this essay, it was detailed and described the things you value very well. You seem to be saying that your cell phone and spending time with your dogs are really important to you. You also say that everyone should be thankful for what they have, no matter how expensive or inexpensive it is. The dogs, I think, were the most vividly described.Especially the parts where you talked about what they look like and how you take care of them.
I think the overall strengths of your essay were definitely the parts where you described the things that you value. The parts when you talked about how you use your phone and what you do with your dogs. They were really detailed. I liked those paragraphs, but next time I think it would be good if you said how much you value each item, you know like compare and contrast the ways you value them. It was a great essay though, I enjoyed it.
Sabrina,
I thought that this was a well written story. But you should always proof read your work for spelling errors first. It was still great though. I can relate to taking care of your dogs because I take care of my puppy too. You picked two great topics to feel strongly about because you wrote so much about them. You described your dogs so well. As I read about them I could picture them in my head. When you described your dog being able to fit into your purse and how it was fluffy and adorable I could see in my head what she looked like and how she could fit in your purse. I think that your strongest point in this essay was your descriptions of everything that you wrote about and gave a picture to the reader of what you were describing. The advice that I would give you for future writing would be always read over your essays and spell check them. Also try having a introduction and conclusion about the topics you are going to write about in the essay. You did a really nice job on your essay and I am looking forward to reading another one of your essays. :-)
sabrina,
i thought essay was really good. it was a fun little stury to read. it shows me that you love your dogs and that you love the friendship you have with them. you seem very caring and responsible.
i think your cell pone is way cool and that you described it well. i liked your pic of you cell too.
your essay was very descriptive of the things that you value and what you can put a price tag on. some thing i wanted to know is how much would you price the object that you picked to put a price tag on. also you didn't really have that much of a conclusion so you might want to work on that. other than that it was awesome.
The author, Sabrina, seems to be saying that she really loves her items and couldn’t imagine loosing them. She loves her cell phone very much, it is her world. She also loves taking care of her dogs. Sabrina describes both of her items very well, using strong vocabulary. She does though, describe her dogs more, but only because she has two of them.
Overall, the strength is Sabrina's essay is her word choice. She used words that I would never think to ever use. One piece of advice I would give Sabrina is to make your conclusion a little stronger. Everything else thought is really well written. Good Job.
Sabrina,
I thought that your essay was very well written. It showed me how much you really value the price and priceless things. You described your cell phone really well and the story was interesting. I like the story about your mom and the dog. it is funny that it took a concussion for your mom to show that she loves the dog.
The dog story reminds me of my dog and my mom. She never really wanted a dog either. Your cell phone reminded me of my own cell phone. My phone can do the same things as mine, but yours is easier to text message with because of the keypad. Your writing made me form an opinion that having a cell phone in class can distract you from your work.
Sabrina,
I really liked your essay. I also liked how you explained how your phone opens so that we knew what you were talking about. One thing I did notice was that you were a little repetative with using 'at times."
Another thing i liked was how you explained your dogs. I could deffidedently relate because I have a dog as well. ONe thing i would say would be to use a few more descriptive words. Otherwise it was very well written. Great job!
Sabrina,
I thought that your essay was very well written! You give very descriptive details, and you knew what you were talking about. I can tell that you really enjoy your cell phone just as much as you dogs. My favorite part of the story was when you said, "Actually when I was younger I had a turtle, but that’s barely a pet it was like having a pet rock." Haha, it made me laugh (: Well i think you did an excellent job. The only critique I have for you is to proofread; there are minimal spelling and grammar errors. Great job otherwise!
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