Thursday, January 31, 2008

The Cave by Caulien C.

"I don't think we should go in there!" Jason whined to Mike as he watched his best friend stand in front of the cave. Jason didn't like this idea one bit. "Don't you remember what happened last time we came here!" Jason said feeling a little nervous. "Ahhh, don't be a wimp." Mike said as he looked around the cave. He was very interested in these kinds of things. Jason sat on a rock with his head in his hands. "Why can't we just go back to my house and play some Halo or something." But Mike just ignored him acting like Jason had never said anything. Jason started biting his nails as he remembered what had happened when they first found this place. They found this place about 2 years ago and had never been back since. Jason could remember the huge bats that chased after them, he felt like the bats were still there waiting for them to enter the darkness of the cave. Just thinking about it gave him the shivers. Mike shined the light straight into the cave following the light with his eyes till it was too dark to see any further. He then started to walk into the cave with his flash light. Jason watched with fear as his buddy walked into the cave that had death written all over it. "Mike? Are you still there?" Just then he heard Mike screaming and running out of the cave straight at Jason. Mike ran by Jason, made a u-turn and charged at Jason with his arms in front of him. "No, don't you...." Jason was cut off by Mike pushing him into the cave. Mike was tickling Jason as he pushed him into the cave. Jason was terribly ticklish. He couldn't do anything to stop from going into the cave.

Darkness surrounded both of them. They couldn't even see their hands even if they were holding their hand right in front of their faces. Jason was practically having a panic attack. Mike whipped out his flashlight and said, in a reporter kind of voice," So Jason, how do you feel right know? Hmmm, are you happy, sad, angry?"

Mike then pointed the light at Jason face which he saw was totally white. "Awww, I think someone needs a hug!" Mike quickly embraced Jason with a big bear hug. "I'm seriously going to kill you." Jason said as he started to calm down a bit. "C'mon man, do you think I'd ever put you in a situation where you couldn't handle yourself?" Mike hooked arms with Jason and asked," Now how should we travel through this cave today?"

"Skipping?" said Jason confused.

"Alright then, hipti-skepte hipti-skepte hipti-skepte." Mike sang as they skipped down deeper into the cave. It wasn't long before they ran into a wall because they forgot to turn their flashlights on while they were skipping. They weren't hurt too bad. Finally they took out their flashlights to see if they could look around. They flashed their lights at the wall that they had run into. There was really nothing interesting about this wall unless you were like a bugoligist or something. The wall was crawling with bugs. They both hated bugs so much. They quickly backed away from the gruesome wall.

"I hate bugs!" Mike screamed as he checked him self for any creepy crawlers on him. Jason did the same and then they checked each other. Just then something wet and slimy fell onto Jason’s shoulder. He quickly tried wiping it off his shoulder. Mike shined his light at the roof of the cave and let out a little whimper.

"Awww, geez, great i just washed this hoodie this morning and now I have to........" but he was cut off by Mike tapping on his head. Jason saw Mike was looking up and followed his gaze. As he saw what was hanging from the roof he started to shout," OH, SH...." But Mike covered his mouth still looking at the thing. There hanging from the roof was this giant bat. It seemed that it was as tall as both of them and they were 5'5. It looked huge.

"When I count to three we're going to high tail it out of here in... that direction." Mike said as he pointed behind Jason.

"Oh my god we are going to die, oh my god..."

"One..."

"We are going to die, oh my god we....."

"Two..."

"We are so going to die!"

"THREE!" they started running full throttle into the darkness not knowing where in the world they were going. As they were running they heard wings flapping behind them and they pushed themselves even harder. Jason lost control of his feet and stumbled to the ground bringing Mike down with him.

"Awwww, you klutz," Mike said as he helped Jason back onto his feet. From where they had fallen they could see the entrance of the cave. Suddenly something huge rammed into Mikes back knocking the wind out of him. The bat was clawing at Mikes back as he tried crawling away. Jason was knocked to the ground by the bats giant wings. Jason quickly got right back up, came behind the bat and started throwing punches at its back. The bat let out loud screeches. The bat turned around and went at Jason. Mark jumped on the bat and started beating on its head. He tried breaking its neck, he tried bashing in its skull. the bat was flailing itself everywhere. Jason quickly started beating on the bats stomach with kicks and punches.

"On three we run for it!" Mike yelled over the screeching.

"One…two…THREE!" They both jumped away from the bat and ran towards the light. As they hit sunlight they shielded their eyes. They soon collapsed onto the dirt in the warm sunlight. They both were breathing very heavily and they felt like their heads were throbbing. They both looked at each other and started chuckling.

"Whoo..... that was scary,......... how about....... next time we're bored............ you pick the fun activity!?" Mike said as he took deep breathes in between his words. Jason just nodded his head in agreement and they both just rested there happy to see the sunlight again.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

I love that your characters seem so real. I also like that you wrote, “hipti-skepte hipti-skepte hipti-skepte.” That’s great. I also like your word “bugoligist”. Was the thing that fell on his hoodie guano? I couldn’t tell, but I assumed it was. Your dialogue was great, but you have to start a new paragraph every time someone talks, or when someone else talks.

Overall, I thought your story was amazing, other than the few grammar mistakes. I think that making up words is okay only when someone is speaking, but not when you’re narrating, so you probably should’ve taken “bugoligist” out.

Anonymous said...

Great job! Your story reminded me of my friends, and me. I never want to do scary stuff but always get dragged into them. I really loved your charters; they were so funny and real. At first they were scared to go into the cave but later they go braver and went in.

"Alright then, hipti-skepte hipti-skepte hipti-skepte." This was my favorite part was when they were skipping together, and then hit a wall in the rising action. It stood out because it made me laugh. I think the strength of your story was the use of dialogue. Next time just check your grammar but other than that you did an amazing job.

Anonymous said...

That was awesome. I also liked when they started skipping into the cave. That was an interesting thing to incorperate. I liked it a lot. I liked how at the end Mike tells Jason that he can pick the activity next time. My favorie part was when they were fighting the giant bat.
The best quality of this story is the description put into it. I can feel as if I'm there. This was a great story.

Anonymous said...

hey Caulien!
That was such a good story! It flowed nicely and it was realistic. It also made me laugh, mostly because you used great vocabulary in your dialogue i.e. hipti-skepte hipti-skepte hipti-skepte. It made it interesting to read. I think only Mike changed through the story because Jason stayed afraid of the cave and Mike freaked out after going in and finding the bat. My favorite part was when Mike made it look like he was afraid and ran back out to get Jason. One piece of advice I would give for next time would be to check over your grammar. Good job!

Anonymous said...

Caulien!

This story was the funniest I've read. I absolutely loved it! Seriosly! It was amazzing! This story made me laugh so hard. It was so funny when you said,
" Now how should we travel through this cave today?"
"Skipping?" said Jason confused.
"Alright then, hipti-skepte hipti-skepte hipti-skepte."
Another fuuny part was when Mike whipped out his flashlight and said, in a reporter kind of voice," So Jason, how do you feel right know? Hmmm, are you happy, sad, angry?"
The only thing is that this does not sound like something guys would say. This according to my brother. It sounds like things that you would say. In fact, I've heard you say them before. I thought that this made the story more personal and funny, though. Nice!

P.s. hipti-skepte hipti-skepte hipti-skepte.
Bye!