Benny was an orphan. His parents died in a fire when he was seven, so now he lives with “Aunt Margret”. Benny didn’t think she was actually related to him, because you’re relatives aren’t supposed to be that mean to you. Anywhere was better than the orphanage though, so he put up with it; doing chores from dawn to dusk while Aunt Margret sat inside watching TV. He knew that she made him do the chores because she just didn’t like him, things such as picking up the sticks in the backyard and raking the lawn in August were meant to keep him busy, they weren’t chores that were necessary. . Benny never complained though, if he did she would beat him like she does whenever he doesn’t get the chores done on time and not give him any food for two days. More than anything in the world though, Benny longed to have a family, and a place to call home where he could get away from the world and be surrounded by people who loved him. He had a roof over his head and an Aunt, but that was it. Just a house and some person who happened to be related to him.
School was no better either, the other kids made fun of him because of his ragged oversized clothes. He only had one friend, Rose.
One day after school, the class bully, Greg, started picking on Benny.
“Hey Benny, who’s sweater is that, your grandmother’s?!”
“No, it’s mine,” Benny answered politely, “but it was my Aunt’s, it shrunk in the wash, and she doesn’t buy me new sweaters so it’s the only one I have.”
All the other kids started laughing.
“Why don’t you wear her old skirt to school tomorrow with it?” said Greg.
“Shut up Greg!” Said someone in a quiet, but menacing voice.
“Who said that? Rose?” Demanded Greg. “Oh that’s funny, and who’s gonna make me, you?!” Rose was tiny, about half the size of Greg, but she had a big heart and an even bigger attitude.
“I will if you say one more mean thing to Benny!” She exclaimed.
“Hey Benny, I guess I can’t talk to you anymore, otherwise your little girlfriend here will beat me up! It’s too bad, I was just going to ask you if you had your Auntie’s bra on too!” He laughed.
WHAM!
Rose punched Greg in the nose and it started to bleed.
“I know karate and I happen to be a black belt! Go ahead, say something else! I’ll aim lower next time and you’ll really regret it!” She threatened.
“Bebby I’ll geb you for dis!” Shouted Greg while holding his nose.
The color drained out of Benny’s face and he just stood there.
“You alright?” Rose asked
“Yeah thanks,” said Benny
Suddenly the bell rang and it was time to get to class.
“Well see you later,” said Rose.
And they both ran to class so they wouldn’t be late.
Benny didn’t see Greg for the rest of the day, even at lunch, and Benny knew Greg never skipped a meal. Perhaps he went home, Benny thought. He wasn’t having good day though, and of course Greg didn’t really go home.
Benny was standing at his locker putting his books in his backpack, when he remembered that he needed to talk to one of his teachers about a homework assignment, so he ran back in the classroom. By the time he finished talking to the teacher pretty much everyone had gone home already and the hallway was deserted. Benny grabbed his back pack and walked towards the door, when all of a sudden Greg appeared out of no where and shoved Benny into against the lockers.
“Where do you think you’re going?” Demanded Greg.
“Home,” said Benny. Although Benny didn’t exactly consider it home.
“Well not anymore you aren’t, I know you love school, so you can stay here all night long and maybe one of the janitors will leave a night light on for you.”
“No thanks, I really need to get home, I have a lot of chores to do for my Aunt.”
“Well you can tell her the principal made you clean the school of all your slime.”
Greg sneered. And with that he picked up Benny, opened his locker and shoved him inside. Benny heard the lock click and knew he was stuck inside of his own locker until someone just happened to wander by. He heard Greg laughing all the way out of the school and doubted anyone would come. He sat in there waiting and dreading what his Aunt would do to him when he finally got out.
“Benny? Benny? Are you in here?”
“Yes! I’m stuck in the locker can you help me? The combination is 14-23-5.”
Benny heard someone fumble with the lock and a click and the door opened. Benny fell out tripping over his feet, almost bringing Rose crashing to the floor with him.
“I’m so sorry, are you okay?” She apologized.
“No, I’m fine, it’s not your fault, don’t worry about it. And thanks. I would’ve been stuck in there for hours if you hadn’t come. How’d you know I was in there?”
“Well I was waiting for you outside and you never came so I went inside and I saw your backpack in the floor.” Rose explained.
Thanks Rose, I really have to go, if I don’t get my chores done my Aunt will be really mad.” Benny said.
“Well, my mom’s here, we can give you a ride to your house.”
“Really, that would be great, thanks!” Said Benny smiling. “Rose?”
“Yeah?”
“You’re really lucky,” Said Benny.
“Why?” Because your mother loves you
“Oh, here’s my mom, c’mon let’s go.”
So Benny got in the car with Rose and her mother and Rose explained what had happened to Benny while they drove him to his house. When they pulled into the driveway there were ambulances and cops surrounding the house. Then they saw a body being carried from the house into one of the ambulances on a stretcher.
Benny got out of the car and went up to one of the cops. “What’s going on?” He said.
“Are you Benny?” Asked the cop.
“Yes,” Benny
All of a sudden Rose and her mother appeared next to Benny.
“Benny, your Aunt had a heart attack and passed away about an hour ago. The records that we have here say that she was your last living relative, and there was nothing in the will about who you would take care of you should something like this ever happen. I’m afraid you’ll have to go back to the orphanage.” The cop explained.
“NO!!!” I can’t go back there! You don’t understand, anywhere is better than that horrible orphanage!” Benny cried.
“I’m sorry son, but it’s the only way.” Said the cop.
~
Rose’s mother looked at Benny and then pulled the cop off to the side and whispered something in his ear.
“Well there will be a lot of papers to sign and a lot of legal work to go through, but, yes, you can.”
“We’ll take him then.” Said Rose’s mother to the cop.
“Benny, you’re one of the family now.”
6 comments:
Olivia, your story was really well-written. The story line made me think of something like Annie! I was a little boy finally finding a home and a loving family. Benny change over the course of the story was impotant. At the end, he finally finds what he wanted most.
“No, it’s mine,” Benny answered politely, “but it was my Aunt’s, it shrunk in the wash, and she doesn’t buy me new sweaters so it’s the only one I have.” This quote really gave an insight to what Benny's personality is. The dialogue was my favorite part.
The best part of the story was the characters. Benny had his own little personality that really added to the story. Next time, you might want to try some better word choice. You could have used some bigger, better words. But, other then that, the story was amazing! Good job!!
Hey Olivia,
Your story had a nice theme and a good plot. You developed it nicely and and I understood what was happening. When he was in the locker and Rose helped him out, though, you didn't explain the time change until it was a little confusing. Your opening was pretty strong, but you ending wasn't quite as good quality. I almost felt bad for Benny for a while there. You developed both his and Rose's characters well through out the plot. Nice job!
I loved your story. It really made me apprciate all that I have. I like how at the end Benny was happy and loved by his new family. I liked when Rose stood up for Benny even though nobody else would. My favorite part was the end when Benny got a new family and a better life.
I think the best quality of the story was the plot. It started good and developed even better. Overall this was a great story.
Hello Olivia!! I think your story was one of the best that I read! It was sad but really good. The ending worked really well. Your story made me think of all the children in our world, being hurt and just wanting someone to love them, its so sad. But you captured this really good!
My favorite quote was, "“NO!!!” I can’t go back there! You don’t understand, anywhere is better than that horrible orphanage!” Benny cried." This is sad, but shows that the little boy changes throughout the story. From keeping how he feels and what he goes through inside, to expressing himself so that he can be happy. I don't think there is anything I would change. Great job Olivia!
Olivia, I really enjoyed reading your story. It never got boring. I liked the theme that you chose. It made me feel sad at some parts with Benny. I felt bad for him. I think your beginning was the best part. It really drew me in and it made me wanting to read more. I don't think your ending was as strong, but it was still very well-written.
I loved Benny's personality, the dialog was excellent. Keep up the good work!
This was a very entertaining story, Olivia. It made me sad for the main character in some parts, but other parts were funny. The main character didn't change much over the course of the story, he had the same personality at the end of the story as he did at the beginning.
My favorite part of the story was when Rose defended Benny from Greg. "I know karate and I happen to be a black belt!" is a quote from this section.
I thought that your use of dialogue was the strongest part of the story. Next time, I would try to describe the setting more thoroughly. Keep Writing!
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