Thursday, January 31, 2008

Fight of Defiance By Melanie D.


I had been running and fighting for too long to give up now. I would not die before I broke the curse that bonded me with this ongoing nightmare that seemed to have captured my reality. It had started when I allowed myself to be lost in the mind games of life and had forgotten who I am for a fraction of a second, but even that was long enough to let this corrupt creature escape from my locked soul. I had no control after that point; it had run instantly away from my grasping clutches, and begun its destruction of every aspect of my life. It ran wildly, searching for every way it could find to abolish the person I had become. Before I could react, my whole town was lit in blazing flames that seemed to have seized the entire world known to me. I was confused beyond all reason, until I realized that this other, darker part of me had somehow been disconnected from my body and was now running lose through our small town, destroying anything that dared to cross its path.

Captivated by the horror of what was happening, I became immersed by a shot of adrenaline that absorbed my body, as I ran through the fires and past the shrieking citizens with fierceness greater than anything I have ever felt. I arrived at my house without even realizing it and charged through the rooms screaming hysterically for my family. I knew they were not there, but the fruitless bonds of false hope convinced me otherwise, and I searched anyway, not ready to lose faith yet.

A chilling voice echoed in my mind, “Your mistake will see them forever lost to you.” I couldn’t figure out where it was coming from, but it seemed as if the voice was latched in my own mind. I was sure that this creature was a deranged part of me, but it had severed the physical connection between us.

“No! I made no mistake, please just bring them back!” I cried as tears flooded my vision, yet the only reply I received was a ghastly laugh that mimicked my pain. With one final hope remaining, I sprinted through town and arrived at my best friend’s yard. Shock and disbelief spread through me when I saw the ruin that had overtaken the once beautiful home. The house lay in a blackened wreck on the smoldering ground, surrounded by the flames that had brought its death. This creature had gone too far, taking away my friends and family, leaving me with nothing left to live for. In that moment, standing amongst the disaster my life had become, I vowed that I would destroy this creature in any way possible.

I had heard somewhere before that the only way to truly eliminate an unknown being was to stab it with a silver blade, but I had no idea where to obtain one. I had also heard that if your need is great enough, and your ambition is strong enough, that miracles can happen without explanation or reason. As I was thinking this, a glimmer of light immersed in the blazing flames caught my eye, so I walked by to pick it up, and held in my burnt hand a magnificent silver sword. I was ready to fight and rein victory.

It had come to the final battle leaving me to fight something that I wasn’t even sure was real. Defiance held strong within me. I would not let this overwhelming force pull me away, I would not let it take me into the black depths of what lay beneath my mind. Tragedy had overtaken everything I knew, there was nothing left for me to fight for, but I still held on to that one last strand of hope with such strength that nothing could defeat my determination. I did not believe in giving up, and that certainly would not change now. The only enemy I had to face was myself, and once I had victory over that, the world would lie at my feet and I would be free.

I was trapped in a prison within my own mind that held unthinkable tortures in an unexpected way. I was so close to obtaining the knowledge of how to defeat it that I could imagine the possibility of never having to endure the inescapable pain that had chased me endlessly until now. That thought alone gave me the last surge of energy that kept me fighting with all the strength I had left, prompting the last victorious moments of the battle. The intensity and confusion that entangled my brain seemed to clear for a single instant that allowed me to strike down my enemy.

I gallantly raised my sword, and struck against the black abyss that claimed the body of this ruthless creature. As the metal pierced its insubstantial form, it released a horrific screech that could deafen any living being and scar their memory with the estranged sound of it. It gave its final stand in the fight it had begun and surrendered itself to the deathly hands of defeat, leaving me shocked, standing on the cold ground that just witnessed a heroic battle. I finally had the power to watch my enemy fall to my feet and collapse in a defeated bundle landing with a crash to the ground. Victory was mine to indulge myself in, and with it was brought my life that was once again free.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Mel, that was awesome.
I could picture the town erupting in flames and the main character frantically running from house to house. The story reminds me of all the movies I've seen with villages and towns under attack all engulfed in flames.
Its a good thing that the main character doesn't change because if they did, and they just gave up, then the evil creature would've continued to destroy the world.
"I gallantly raised my sword, and struck against the black abyss that claimed the body of this ruthless creature." I liked this part because I could really visualize this happening. This is also the part that he character was waiting for, to get revenge on their friends and family and to destroy the creature.
Very descriptive, you used a detailed vocabulary that helped to emphasize the story. The beginning was a little confusing, because I had no idea what the story was about, but I understood it better as the story went on.

Anonymous said...

Mel,
Your story was awesome!
It made me want to just get up and fight something. It made me think of different real life battles that we face. The main character changes in a good way over the course fo the story. She gets over her fear and conqueers the darkness. She has a great epiphany when she sees her friends house in ruins.
My favorite part of the story is the introduction. The word choice is fantastic and it gives an amazing feel to the story. "It had started when I allowed myself to be lost in the mind games of life and had forgotten who I am for a fraction of a second, but even that was long enough to let this corrupt creature escape from my locked soul."

The story's best quality was the word choice. It printed a wonderful picture in my head and you never ran out of good words to use. If anything, I would try using less metaphors. Too many metaphors can confuse some people.

Anonymous said...

This made me think about how we shouldn't let our anger over run us. This makes me wonder how the main character takes in the pain of having all of her family vanquished. This story makes me think of a huge evil that can only be destroyed by good.
The main character changes as she needed to get enough courage to fight the ultimate evil. She saw that the only way to stop the nightmare was to defeat the evil. The story would have been okay, but she would have been stuck in the nightmare for the rest of her life.
My favorite part of the story was when the main character finally destroyed the evil being. My favorite part of the story happened in the resolution of the story. My favorite part was when the evil being said, “Your mistake will see them forever lost to you,” This part stood out to me because the being was saying that she would never see what her mistake was.
I believe that this stories best quality was its description. This story had a lot of description on what the town looked like once the evil was released. It told how the main character felt when all this turmoil started.
Next time you might want to have more dialogue. Even though this story needed a lot of description, dialogue wouldn’t be a bad idea.

Anonymous said...

Wow Mel. That story was amazing. I could honestly see everything happening as you told it to me. I felt the characters pain and emotions. You know how i get wrapped up in stuff? Well thats what happened while I was reading your story. I couldn't believe what was happening and I wanted to know what was going to happen next. Your story kind of reminded me of the book ERAGON when Eragon is trying to find his Uncle in his ruined house.
The main character doesn't change over the course of the story. However they become more and more determined to face and kill the evil thing that had taken their family and friends.
My favorite part of the story was when you described the fire burning down the town. I actually saw it happening, and could feel the main character's fear as they were searching for their family. A line of your story that I really liked was, "Before I could react, my whole town was lit in blazing flames that seemed to have seized the entire world known to me."
My favorite part of the story is when the main character kills the evil thing that is haunting them, and causing them so much pain. It represents the fact that good will always triumph over evil.
Next time, I would try to give a little more backround information. I thought that the way you started off the story was amazing, but towards the middle it was a little unclear, and I got kind of confused.
Overall, this was an amazing story, and I am really happy that I decided to read it.

Anonymous said...

hey mel,
Great story! It really drew me in at the beginning. This might sound weird but I got a mental image of a scene from the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie, when everything was blowing up and the town was filled up with chaos. The main character seemed to go through changes on how much they wanted to win the battle. My faveorite part was the beggining. The word choice was really good, and the scene was picture perfect in my head. I think your best quality was word flow. Everything was smooth, and each thing led to the next. Next time I would dscribe a little more about what's going on, I got confused at times. But you did a really nice job, keep it up!

Anonymous said...

Melanie your story was great! I liked how you described everything. It made me feel like I was the character. I could picture everything clearly!
My favorite part of the story was the ending. I could visualize it so well. I liked that the story had a good ending. Your use if vocabulary was great too! Good Job!!

Anonymous said...

I really like this story. it had a lot of description and the opening sentence was gripping. There were some words i didn't understand, but maybe thats just me... but it was a very exciting story. My favorite part was at the end when the main character was slaying the beast that had destroyed everything.
Verry nice. /,,/-_-/,,/