The night was dreary and the wind was calm and cool. I walked for miles trying to find the sight or sound of life. I was in the forest on an island in god knows where, all alone, trying to survive. All I had was one slowly running out bottle of water. I knew that it wouldn’t last and I would need to find help or more water soon. The last thing I remember was that I was on a cruise for my company. I think I was intoxicated and the waves didn’t help. I remember falling and my body striking the water. I don’t think I passed out because I made it to this island. I have been here for maybe five- days. For the first few days I sat on the beach silently, and thinking what I should do. So here I am now, trying to do something or find someone to save me.
I made note of everything that I passed in the forest so I could know if I was going around in a circle. I feel like I’ve been walking for hours and there has been no sight of anything. My stomach roared so noisily I thought the whole forest could hear it. I needed to get food, but how? The bushes in front of me started to quiver. It scared me for a moment but then out leaped a rabbit. Perfect, lunch! I thought to myself. I needed to find and make some sort of a weapon.
After searching the forest, I managed to find a pointed rock and a long stick. The perfect items to make a spear but how would I tie the rock to the end? I searched and searched even more and found a slender vine hanging from a tree. I ripped it down and completed my weapon. I hunted all night and when dawn came I had nabbed myself two small rabbits and six birds. I then proceeded to find a clear opening to build a fire and roast my game. I rummaged the forest to find some dry firewood and then headed toward the opening I had found. Building the fire must have taken me over an hour because the wind kept blowing out the only flame I had managed to produce. When the fire was finally started I roasted my first rabbit. It was delicious and satisfying. It would be able to hold me over till the next day so I decided to save the other game for tomorrow. I managed to keep the fire going all day.
The next morning I wandered around the island till I came to the edge. Clear, placid water surrounded me and I couldn’t see anything for miles. The best thing for me to do was try and start another fire as a warning signal. I gathered all the brush and wood I possibly could. I dug a hole in the ground and placed rocks around it to make a fire pit. Once the fire was raging I found sticks to spell out HELP in the sand. I knew that this would save me eventually.
Just then, I heard something in the distance. It sounded like a small whirring sound over the waves. I listened and stared at the sky till I saw a small object in the distance. I ran to the fire to make sure the smoke was high enough and the fire was raging bright enough. When the object got closer and closer I noticed that it was a helicopter. I frantically waved and flagged him down. He landed about 100 yards away from me and I ran to him. Finally after being on the island for about a week, I was saved.
8 comments:
Sam, Your story kept me interested, and wanting to read more. I was pleased with the way it all flowed together. Your story made me think about survival. Your main character went through some changes story. This is important because at first, the narrator seemed carefree on a cruise, but then they got stranded and realized that they needed to have good survival skills, which in the end help save their life.
My favorite part of your story was when the storyteller was looking for the food. You used good imagery and I could picture it perfectly. This occurred in the rising action of your story. “When the fire was finally started I roasted my first rabbit. It was delicious and satisfying.” I liked this quote because it is realist. I think that your use of description was the strength of your piece. I could picture when the narrator was and what they were doing throughout the story. Next time I think you should maybe add a little bit more to your ending, not that its bad, but it just more information on what happened after the narrator got saved. GREAT JOB!
Hey Sam,
This was a very well written story. I feel great, knowing that I am not stuck on an island. You described it very well. I could imagine the island, the fire, and this man trying to find food. In this story I think in a way the character changed. He went from a stuck up, drunk man to someone who you would look up to as a leader.
My favorite part in the story was in the exposition. You just gave me a clear image of what was happening. Of what was happening in this guys mind. Your lovly stories best quality was the description. One piece of advice I leave with you is to maybe have a clearer story arc. I couln't really find each thing very easily. Well, keep up the good work.
great story. i was kept interested the whole time. i felt the story was all about surviving on the island.
the character had gone through some changes. at first, he was relaxed on a cruise, but then realized his life was onthe line and he needed to change. it was all about your skills in survival.
my favorite part of the story was when the narrator was out looking for food to eat. you used such good imagery, i could picture it perfectly in my haead. "It was delicious and satisfying." this was a quote from the moment when he ate the rabbit. it was a big step for the narrator because he needed food and the feeling must have been amazing.
my only suggestion is to describe the ending a little more. i feel that it was a little short, but still, great
hey Sam, great story, I really liked it and it kept me interested the whole time. You had good word usage and great imagery. When the character was looking for food i could see everything that was going on. also when you made the help signal. I could just imagine the helicopter coming over the horizon. All in all this was an amazing story.
Personally I thought this story fun and captivating. I remember staying in a cabin with my dad on an island, and this story helps me remember what it was like. The main character changed from being a drunken girl on a cruise to being a survivor. If the girl didn't change throughout the story I doubt she would have survived on the island for a week.
My favorite part of the story was when she saw the rabbit and decided to go and get food, I think that was the rising action. “The bushes in front of me started to quiver. It scared me for a moment but then out leaped a rabbit.” I liked this quote because as the reader I knew then that she was going to try and catch a rabbit for food.
I think overall that the tale’s best quality was its character. She was a girl that had to use her survival instinct, or she would die. She had to make her own weapon to catch food, and she succeeded. I think that in future assignments you could describe the setting more.
Sam,
Your story was really good. In a way it reminded me of Lord of the Flies. How your character was stranded on an island and how a buch of kids are stranded on an island. After I read your story I imagine the island that the character was stranded on. I think the character changes over the course of the story because they learned to adapt to their surroundings. If they didn't change then they may have not survived that week.
My favorite part of the story was in the expostion when they were recaping the events. "The night was dreary and the wind was calm and cool. I walked for miles trying to find the sight or sound of life."This stood out to me because I liked the description as an opening to the story. The best part of the story was the conflict because it brought out the best of the character in order to survive. I would say next time try to look at the climax a little bit more. Great Job!
This story is very interesting, and has a great deal of information. The main character did change a little in the story. Sam new how to find supplies to feed herself, kill the game, and construct a weapon. My favorite part was when she described herself on the island. What had great quality was the story content, and the story line. I do not suggest any advice.
Sam this was a very well written story. This story really made me think, about what could happen, if you went on a cruise, and somehow you ended up stranded on a deserted island. The main character goes over a big change throughout this story. He is careless at the begining, and in the end, he had become responsible, took charge, and saved everyones lives. My favorite part is when the story teller is looking for food. It made me imagine a helpless mouse, scrummaging through the garbage looking for food. This story has a very good story arc. It has all parts, and is easy to tell the parts of it. I think that you could of made the ending a little longer.
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