She had moved five times in the last year. Every time it was the same, she would go to a new school and just start to make friends when her dad would have to leave for work and she would get dragged along too. This time was different though. She met a boy and had become really close.
“Maddie, wake up.” My dad shouted out of the kitchen.
“I’ll be right down.” I yelled back.
I sat up and looked out of an unfamiliar window. I missed Jason so much. We had started off as friends and then as we got to know each other, we pushed are friendship a little further. All around my room there were pictures we had taken together at cotillion, the movies, and everywhere else. We were always together. My dad didn’t like him very much though. He though Jason was the kind of kid that would be arrested 20 times before he graduated. I knew that it wasn’t true, and he had to get to know him a little. The fact was that Jason was on the varsity basketball team, starting point guard. He was on the varsity soccer team too, starting center halfback. Polite, smart. He was the guy every girl wanted to call her boyfriend. Jason was the only guy that didn’t do drugs at our school. Didn’t drink. This also made all of the girls crazy. He always said that no one had to be drunk or high to be the life of the party. All you had to do was be yourself, and if they didn’t like that then screw them. I loved Jason for saying this. It said that he wasn’t like all of the other guys at school. It said that he wasn’t interested in being cool of it meant not being you.
The bell rung, it was time for first period, art. I got to the class and found out that only the weird kids were in it. They all drew about either death or fairy tales about themselves and their “future” husband. I sat there, thinking hard, about what to draw. I started with a face and then moved on to the body. Tall, dark, handsome. As I finished the picture I realized I had drawn Jason. Just then I felt a tear run down my cheek, and a hand on my shoulder seeing if I was okay. That was when I first time I met Gracie.
“Why hello there.” My dad said in a cheery mood to the new girl in our home.
“Hello, I’m Gracie.” She said in almost a whisper.
“Hey, dad,” I yelled as entering the door, “this is Gracie; we are just going to go up in my room and listen to music or something.”
“Well, if I can get you anything just holler.”
We ran up the stairs and into my room. She looked around at all of the pictures.
“Who is this?” She asked.
“That’s my boyfriend Jason.” I said getting a little teary eyed. “He lives pretty far away.”
“Oh.” She said felling sorry she even asked.
“It’s okay.” I said lying on my bed.
She came and sat next to me and starting talking about how she thought she was in love but really wasn’t. I knew I was in love though. Every time I was with Jason I got butterflies in my stomach. It always felt like we were talking to each other for the first time. Gracie didn’t understand how I felt, no matter how much she wanted to.
“It starts in my toes
and I crinkle my nose
where ever it goes I always know
that you make me smile
please stay for a while now
just take your time
where ever you go…..”
I hear playing on my cell. I pick it up and hear a voice I hadn’t in what felt like forever. Jason.
“How’s it going there?” he asked with a little giggle.
“Sucks!” I said back.
“I called to tell you that for your birthday I am going to have a surprise shipped to you.”
“Really? What is it?” I asked wanting to know the answer as soon as I asked.
“If I told you then it wouldn’t be a surprise now would it.” He was laughing now.
“But my birthday is tomorrow so, how is anything going to get here in time?” I asked hoping it would get the answer out of him.
“Oh believe me it will be there in time.” He said and hung up the phone.
The night went by as slow as it could have possibly gone. I got up probably 40 times in one hour. I wanted tomorrow to come and for me to get whatever it was that Jason shipped me. What could it be, what could it be, I kept thinking to myself. Whatever it was I knew I would love it.
Knock, knock. Who could be at the door this early in the morning? I walked down the steps and opened the front door. It was the present Jason got me! It wasn’t what I thought though. It was him! I screamed at the top of my lungs and jumped in the air at him. Just then my dad came running down the stairs with a baseball bat. He looked so stupid standing there not knowing what the heck was going on.
“Dad, dad, dad it’s Jason!!!” I yelled.
“Well, I can see that.” My dad said sounding a little grumpy.
“So do you like your surprise?” Jason asked.
“I love it sooooo much!” I said, still not over the fact that Jason was here with me. “I’m glad you like it. Now hurry up and get dressed. You have to show me around this town.” Jason said looking at my dad seeing for his approval.
I ran up the stairs and into my room closing the door behind me. What could I possibly wear? I shuffled through all of the clothes in the closet and then in my dresser. I had nothing. I’ll wear this I finally decided. A light pink sundress with white flip flops. Perfect. I walked down the stairs and saw Jason’s reaction.
“You look great.” He said with his jaw dropped.
“You are going to make me puke if you don’t go now.” My dad said kidding. He always knew how to ruin the moment.
I showed Jason everywhere around town. Where I went to school, where I hung out with friends, where the cool spot was to hang, and all of that good stuff. When he had to leave it was really hard on me. I didn’t want him to go. That’s when he asked me the question I had been waiting for since we said hi.
8 comments:
Hey Jess! I thought your story was so cute and I loved it. It was really good and it was interesting to read.
I don't think the main charcter really changed throughout the story because she never gave up on Jason. It was important that she stay the same because otherwise her and Jason would have never ended up together.
My favorite part of the story was the resolution, when Jason proposes to Maddie. "That’s when he asked me the question I had been waiting for since we said hi." It was a really cute ending for the story.
I think the best quality of the story was the use of dialogue. You used a lot of dialogue to show how the characters were interacting, and what was going on.
One piece of advice I would give would be to show better changes between times, and places where the characters are. That was the only thing that made it confusing to read. It was a great story!
Jess,
Awesome story! I really liked it. When I read it I kept thinking that he was going to end up in jail or something, I think you surprised everyone when you had them end up getting engaged. That is the one thing I can clearly remember.
I’m not really sure how your main character progressed thought out the story, if anything, I think that she got weaker and weaker as the story went on. I thought this because she began to cry every time she looked at her boyfriend’s picture.
My favorite part of the story was when she was describing Jason, and how her father thought that he was going to end up in jail or get arrester 20 times. I really thought that that was going to be the resolution but it wasn’t.
“Will you marry me?”,was my favorite life in the story. I thought you did a good job Jessica!
Jess, your stort was great! i enjoyed raeding it a lot! i felt happy after reading it. i dont the mai charcter changed. but then againif she changed it would lose focus on what your heading for. which was Jason.
My favortie part of the story is the ending. Jason asks her to marry him. i thought it was so cute. i think the best quallity of your story is the conflict. if she hadnt moed so many times, maybe her and Jaosn wouldnt have ended up engaged. then they story wouldnt of been as good as it is. one piece of advice i would give you is to maybe include mroe deatil. great jobb jess!!
Jessica, well let me see umm your story well, haha just kidding I loved it. It was soo cute. Every girls dream. The main character doesnt really change except for the fact that she is lonely and then her boyfriend proposes.
My favorite part of the story was when he asked her to marry him. Totally cute. I think your best quality was the introduction. One piece of advice i would give you would be to reread your story there were a few grammatical mistakes. another thing, I felt the story was a little rushed and there really was no time frame at the ending it just kinda came just work on that a little more. Otherwise Great Job.
Jess-
Nice job, your story was good. I was immediately interested in what was going on with the main character and her life. The story made me think about the type of relationships kids at our school have. The main character didn't change much over the course of the story, she remained in love with Jason throughout the whole thing. If she hadn't, it would have been a completely different story. My favorite part was the ending. "That’s when he asked me the question I had been waiting for since we said hi. “Will you marry me?” "
I think the best quality of the story was how you kept explaining how the main character felt about Jason. Her feelings for him were what kept the story going. For next time, I think you should explain the move a little better. The part where she goes to a new school is kind of rushed. Amazing Job!
I liked this story, my reaction was that everything ended up the way it is supposed to n a love story. After reading it, I felt good because the story had a happy ending. The story made me think about real life, and if things like that happen a lot. I also wondered how old the characters were.
The main character doesn't really change through the story, she stays infatuated with Jason through the whole thing, and her feelings never change. It was important that the character didn't change much because the story was about her waiting to see her boyfriend again and she never changed her mind on how much she loved him.
My favorite part of the story was the climax, when Jason surprised her. I sensed that he was gonna be the surprise, but it was still good. “I called to tell you that for your birthday I am going to have a surprise shipped to you,” I liked this line the best. I think this story’s best quality is the characters, I think their personalities matched really well. One thing you may consider for next time is to explain why she had to leave the town because that part kind of confused me.
Jess. I thought that your stroy was so good, I loved reading it and it reminded me of a love story that thta could be amde into a movie or something.
I don't think the main charcter really changed throughout the story, because she never gave up on Jason and she loved him throughout the whole story. It was important that she stay the same because otherwise her and Jason would have never ended up together.
I think that you did a really good job and my favorite part was when he proposed, I thought that it was so cute.
One piece of advice I would give would be to show better changes between times, and places where the characters are. That was the only thing that made it confusing to read.
hey jess good story. the character didn't really change through this story she never gave up on jason. this was important so her and jason would be together.
my favorite part was when jason proposed to maddie.
i think the use of dialoge was the best quality of this story. it showed the characters interact and what was going on.
one piece of advise is show time passing by and where the characters are in the story. overall great story.
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